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I first met Mike waaaaaaaay back in 1990 (Editor’s Note; Sweet Lord!! How old are you!?!?) when I was doing amateur nights in Ottawa. I was a rank amateur comedian, terrible beyond compare (Editor’s note; Seriously, check out the YouTube video. Hilariously horrible!). One night I heard that none other than Mike MacDonald was actually going to be at the club I was performing at. I was stunned. Mike was THE man. He was one of the hottest and edgiest comedians on the Canadian circuit at the time. No one had done as many appearances at Montreal’s Just For Laughs as he did. No Canadian who was, “Just a comic” sold out as many shows as he did. No one seemed to have as much adulation and respect (Even begrudgingly) from his peers. BTW, I say, “begrudgingly” because there was a ton of jealousy towards Mike from some of the established comics. Even as an amateur on the outside I could see this.

Any-who, back to the story. As you can easily surmise, I was crazy excited. And why not? This could be my big break! If Mike liked my act, who knew how far I could go?! Please keep in mind that this was 1990 – there was no Internet. So no Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, texting, instagram, make your own DVD/CD, etc. In the 20th century if you wanted to “make it” you had to be seen by somebody who could maybe get you seen by a bigger somebody. Almost no one got famous by accident. It was very difficult to be successful in the entertainment industry and damn if it wasn’t a thing you had to respect (Even if it was begrudgingly). So needless to say, I was stoked.

Well, to make a long story short (Editor’s Note; Too late!!) I got some of the worst possible advice you could ever get from the club manager. I let on that I was a huge Mike MacDonald fan (He’d been on TV! Just for stand-up!!) and I was hoping he’d catch my set. The club manager said, “You should ask him to watch you and give you some advice.” In retrospect, this was simply an idiotic thing to say. The manager knew I had less than 20 shows under my belt (Editor’s Note; How could he possibly know that?! He had the only comedy stage in town and he was the one that did the bookings and… oh…) and I was terrible. (Editor’s Note; Seriously, watch the video. So sad) But of course I was young and stupid and thought, “He’s right! Mike can watch me, give me some advice and I’ll be a star! How can it possibly fail?!”

So, before my set, I introduced myself to Mike, told him I was an amateur and asked him to watch my 5 minutes. After Mike got over the shock of some unknown amateur invading his personal space in the Green Room he said, “Uh, yah, sure. There’s nothing I would love more.” Success! He was going to watch my set. BTW, before anyone says, “Hmmmmm… Mike sounds like he was a bit of dick.” Please keep in mind it was a very different time. Amateur comics NEVER chatted with the Headliners. And if they did, the Headliner was fully expected to treat the amateur like garbage. It was a hazing/weeding out process. It was done to separate the wimps from those tough enough for the biz. If a headliner thought you were great or had potential he/she would approach you and let you know. That’s just the way it was. So, for the time and for what was going on, Mike was actually being pretty nice LOL!

Any-who, I think we all know where this is going. I went onstage, bombed like nobodies business (Editor’s Note; Seriously. The stink he left on stage was so bad, pieces of shit crawled in from the bathroom yelling, “What is that smell!??!”) and then went straight to Mike and said, “So? What did you think?” Now I can’t remember exactly what Mike said, but I think it was something along the lines of, “Are you fucking kidding me? I stopped watching after you first joke. I was waiting for the laughs, but they never came.” I was crushed. But in retrospect, that’s pretty much the only way that could have turned out. I was terrible, Mike didn’t know me and amateurs didn’t bother the Headliners. Like I said, terrible advice.

Fast forward a year or two. I’m still plugging away, still terrible and Mike is back in town, back at the club. This time I choose to just leave him alone; “I ain’t sayin’ nothin’!” I went on stage, did my thing and then as I was walking back to the comics table at the back, Mike stopped me and said, “Hey, you’re not as shitty as I remembered. Good job”. What the? “Good job”?! Are you kidding me?!? And that’s all it took, just a kind(ish) word from a big time pro that I truly respected and loved watching on stage and TV. I had improved! Maybe I actually could make a go of this thing called, “Stand-up Comedy”.

As time marched on, Mike and I saw more and more of each other as all comics do who stay in the business and eventually we became friends. Sure, we may not have become best friends, but I definitely consider him someone that I would do a favour for if needed. And that’s what leads us to where we are today…

Mike MacDonald has contracted Hepatitis C. It’s affected his liver and health so much so that not only does he need a liver transplant, but – since he can’t tour or work, he also needs help financially. When it comes to the industry of stand-up comedy, there are very few people in North America who could survive without working for 2-3 months in row. It’s just the nature of the biz. Now, throw in expensive treatments, having to move back to Canada from the U.S., etc and you can see how finances become almost a bigger problem than health.

I’m not a rich man (Editor’s note; That’s for sure!) but I was able to donate to the fund that’s been set up to help Mike out. All I ask is that you click the link below, read his story for yourself and give what you can. That’s it. Whether it’s $5 or $5,000 it doesn’t mater. Giving is about doing what you can, not what you can’t. And right now if you can do something for someone who can’t, that be amazing. Trust me, you’ll feel better for it.

http://www.gofundme.com/mikemacdonald

And now, for the regular updates, shows, etc., to help us all laugh and enjoy ourselves. It’s OK, I asked Mike. He said I was funny enough to Headline and MC now :-p

EVERY Thursday: Sin Bin $100 Winner Take All Variety Show!
This is just what it sounds like! A variety show where any and all acts are welcome! It’s going to be a regular weekly show brought to you in part by the fine folks at Cariboo Brewing and every week, one lucky contestant will be voted on by the audience as the winner and that person will get $100 cash money!! Second place will get a $30 gift certificate to The Sin Bin Sports Bar & Grill. In addition, the first place winner gets automatic entry to the June 23rd $500 Winner Take All Champion of Champions show at The Rio. Plus, as an added bonus this week, we’ll be giving away movie passes and some sweet movie related swag. Sa-Weet!!

Friday May 25th: The Legion of Stand-Up Comedians Live at The Rio Theatre!
It’s our third installment of the ever-popular Legion of Stand-Up Comedians! This show has become so popular, every comedian in town wants on the show! And, since it’s only been a success because of you super-duper-awesome-amazing people, I’ve made advance tickets only $5 bucks!!! (Editor’s Note: Available via www.BrownPaperTickets.com) Double wurd.

The list of comedians for the LSC night is so long, I can’t possibly list them all (Editor’s Note: Well, you could, but the list would be, as you say, “Cray-cray”). Needless to say, the show is going to be amazing and yes, we’ll make sure to have your favourite beverage, in the ever popular orange and green cans, on special :)

OK, that’s all for now, but I’ll make sure to have plenty of pics, etc for next week so you can see all the amazing things you missed if you can’t make it out, you humps. And if you can make it out, be sure to mention to me that you read the blog, we’ll take your pic and you can go up on my new Wall of Shame (or something, I dunno. I’ll come up with a better name if I can think of one).

Until next time, true believers…

Thanks,
Your Pal,
Patty The Fatty

Facebook Event Links: Upcoming Events

Thursday May 10th: Sin Bin $100 Winner Take All Variety Show!
This is just what it sounds like! A variety show where any and all acts are welcome! It’s going to be a regular weekly show brought to you in part by the fine folks at Cariboo Brewing and every week, one lucky contestant will be voted on by the audience as the winner and that person will get $100 cash money!! Second place will get a $30 gift certificate to The Sin Bin Sports Bar & Grill. In addition, the first place winner gets automatic entry to the June 23rd $500 Winner Take All Champion of Champions show at The Rio. Plus, as an added bonus this week, we’ll be giving away movie passes and some sweet movie related swag. Sa-Weet!!

Saturday May 12th: Sin Bin Cariboo Comedy Night
This is an all-pro comedy show at The Sin Bin Sports Bar & Grill! We’ll have tons of Cariboo swag to give away, an amazing show with Carter Hortie (TooFar TV, National Touring Headliner, etc), Ben Mills (Vancouver Comedy Fest, bunch of other stuff) and some special guests! It’s only $5 or half price if you’re a student. All that entertainment on a Saturday for only $5 bucks?! (Editor’s Note; or LESS if you’re a student!) That shi be cray-cray! Oh, and we’ll have cans of Boo Brew on special as well. Perfect way to spend a Saturday night!

Wednesday May 16th: The Waldorf Hotel – Patrick Maliha’s THIRD DVD Taping!
Thas right folks, I’m doing a live taping for my third full length DVD next Wednesday at the legendary (Editor’s Note; and very cool) Waldorf Hotel. I’ll be doing the taping as part of an Old School vs. New School theme with fellow comedian, Ivan Decker. Ivan is Vancouver’s hottest rising comedian (Editor’s Note: One of the youngest people ever to have his own comedy special on CTV and The Comedy Network and one of the youngest people to ever do Montreal’s Just For Laughs Best of The Fest. I hear Patrick hates him). Ivan’s doing his DVD taping first, then I hit the stage and make everybody say, “What the hell? Why does this guy look like a creepy cross between Keanu Reaves and Balki?” (Editor’s Note: What the hell is a, “Balki”!?!?)

The DVD taping has a very limited amount of tickets available and we’re only pre-selling. So, if you want to get in and see the magic, you better get in there quick! From what I understand tickets have been moving fast the past couple of days. Oh, and as per usual, I heard a rumour Cariboo Beers may be on special for the night I’m taping. Wurd!

Friday May 25th: The Legion of Stand-Up Comedians Live at The Rio Theatre!
It’s our third installment of the ever-popular Legion of Stand-Up Comedians! This show has become so popular, every comedian in town wants on the show! And, since it’s only been a success because of you super-duper-awesome-amazing people, I’ve made advance tickets only $5 bucks!!! (Editor’s Note: Available via www.BrownPaperTickets.com) Double wurd.

The list of comedians for the LSC night is so long, I can’t possibly list them all (Editor’s Note: Well, you could, but the list would be, as you say, “Cray-cray”). Needless to say, the show is going to be amazing and yes, we’ll make sure to have your favourite beverage, in the ever popular orange and green cans, on special 

OK, that’s all for now, but I’ll make sure to have plenty of pics, etc for next week so you can see all the amazing things you missed if you can’t make it out, you humps. And if you can make it out, be sure to mention to me that you read the blog, we’ll take your pic and you can go up on my new Wall of Shame (or something, I dunno. I’ll come up with a better name if I can think of one).

Until next time, true believers…

Thanks,
Your Pal,
Patty The Fatty

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Sorry, no pictures this week. Looks like you’re going to have to show up and make your own memories :-p

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The Friday gig was a late show that started at 10:15pm and I didn’t get on stage until 11:30 pm. It was a small (but cool) room with only about twenty people in the basement of a pizza parlour. I thought it was going to suck donkey balls but the crowd was awesome. They were hip and young and definitely there to have fun. I was able to go off on tangents, rant and be a crazy old man at times (Editor’s Note: You go off on tangents? No!). Once it was all said and done, I did my impressions, said good night, got paid and got two free slices of pizza. Free pizza, cash payment AND people left happy? That’s a win, baby!!

The Saturday was a little different. This show was a high-falootin’ affair at the downtown Vancouver Marriott Hotel and they were paying bo-coo dollars. This was one of those things where as soon as I walked in the conference room I thought to myself, “Hmmm… this seems to be really important. I should have charged them way more!” I was totally expecting a bunch of stiffs in suites who were going to be nothing more than uptight pricks, but in all honesty the entire evening was awesome from start to finish. Sure, I said a couple of things that definitely pushed the boundries, but they were so fun, I was always able to get them back. And of course, I was able to go to my old bag of tricks – the impressions (Editor’s Note: Did you do Homer Simpson? Stewie? How about Bill Cosby?! You’re so lucky people always yell out those three *sarcasm!*). A ton of congratulating after the show, a hearty handshake form the President and CEO of the association and I was done. Another win, baby!

But the Sunday show, was by far, the most intimidating; Both myself and three other comedians had to perform at 1:00pm for an all women’s rec floor-hockey league end-of-year awards ceremony. This one had everything that intimidates a white (Editor’s Note: white-ish), straight (Editor’s Note: straight-ish), male comic. All women? Check (Editor’s Note: All women at a women’s rec floor-hockey league end-of-year awards ceremony? Who would have thunk?). Majority of them lesbians? Check (Editor’s Note; For the record, they were very open about being lesbians. This wasn’t one those asshole, ‘Man, you think there’s a lot of lesbians here?’ type of deals. There simply were a lot of lesbians there who happened to play rec league floor-hockey) and the show was being done during the day (Editor’s Note: Brunch is during the day? You don’t say!).

The show started off a little rough as I couldn’t help but feel like I was constantly walking on eggshells. I didn’t want to offend anyone, no one was really drinking and the sun coming in through the giant glass doors to the patio was very disconcerting! But as the show went on and both myself and the ladies relaxed, it got better. In fact, by the end of the show, it looked like me and the boys (Editor’s Note: Really? They hired four straight dudes for the show? Not even ONE girl?!) were pretty much home free. Well, that is until right before the headliner wrapped up his final bit, the world’s largest and most flamboyant drag queen burst through the doors and immediately bounced up to the stage! (Editor’s Note: Seriously, the drag queen dude was a GIANT!)

The audience immediately came to life and started cheering and hooting and hollering like nobodies business! Within thirteen seconds, the hour and fifteen minutes of comedy we had done had just been forgotten. An enormous man topped off with a pink cotton candy wig and who looked like he could have easily been a star for the BC Lions, pranced, preened and lip-synched with the grace of a ballerina. It was insane (Editor’s Note: Ya, I’m going to agree on this one). The ladies loved, loved, LOVED superstar drag queen extraordinaire, Connie Smug! And why wouldn’t they? Connie danced, sang, lip-synched, drew prize numbers, bantered, etc. with the crowd for the next hour and a half! She was truly a one-woman show!

Me and the boys couldn’t help our selves. We had to stick around. It was insanity! The lesbians had turned into crazed teenagers screaming for Justin Bieber. The straight women cheered like they had just seen the face of Jesus on Oprah, and myself and the three other comedians couldn’t help but laugh and be entertained by a behemoth that we knew if push came to shove, could snap us like twigs in three seconds flat.

It was an amazing spectacle. Everyone was loose and having a blast. Ladies came up and told us how much they loved our stand-up. The pink cotton-candy wigged cross-dresser playfully ribbed us like we were the prettiest girls at the prom and at one point chants of, “show us your tits” echoed from the audience. And the girl on stage did. Twice!! (Editor’s Note: For the record, none of the male comedians ever chanted, “Show us your tits”. Only the ladies did that. But a high five did occur between the boob flasher and Patrick after the girl showed them a second time).

All in all, it was a great time and quite possibly, the best Sunday Brunch ever. Which was interesting, because going in, I would have never thought that. Just like the other two shows for the weekend. That’s why in this business you‘re never supposed to pre-judge an audience. You never know when a giant cross-dresser is going to show up and someone’s going to flash you their tits. Twice.

Now, if you want to have some fun, then you’re in luck! While we can’t promise you the excitement of an all women’s rec floor-hockey league end-of-year awards ceremony brunch, we can promise you that the All-Pro Cariboo Comedy Show at The Sin Bin Sports Bar & Grill Saturday, May 12th will be awesome. (Editor’s note: Promise neither guaranteed nor valid). It’s only $5 and we’ll have some awesome swag to give away to lucky audience members compliments of the fine folks at Cariboo Brewing.

So turn that frown upside down, crack a Boo and we’ll see you May 12th at The Sin Bin Sports Bar and Grill!

Thanks,
Your Pal,
Patty The Fatty

Well, all the excitement of the big ol’ Winnipeg Comedy Fest had finally died down and the crazy huge Champion of Champions Show #2 at the Rio Theatre (Editor’s Note: Just under three hundred and fifty people in attendance, baby!) was behind us. So that could only mean one thing – Game #5 of the Vancouver Canucks vs. the L.A. Kings live from the Cariboo Lounge at Rogers Arena!

I gotta tell ya, when I was asked if I wanted to attend the fifth and deciding Game last Sunday to see Vancouver vs. L.A. for the opening round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, I couldn’t say, “Yes!” fast enough! Did I want to see the Canucks crush the Kings and live to fight another day? You bet! Did I want to laugh and party and eat a ton of food that I didn’t have to pay for? Of course! Did I want to cheer and high five buddies while the roar of the crowd signaled the most important win of the season? Absolutely! Did all that happen!?! Not so much.

As we all know, The Canucks ended up losing that game. It was a nail biter that went into O.T. and could have gone either way, really (Editor’s Note: are you kidding me? They scored one goal. One freakin’ goal! You can’t win a potential play-off elimination game with just one freakin’ goal!). But the Canucks simply weren’t built for an extended play-off run this year. Honestly, it just wasn’t meant to be. Seriously, if they won Game 5, do you really think, with the way they were playing, The Canucks had what it took to win Games 6 and 7? To advance another two rounds? No. I don’t think so. But as a fan, you just always believe. You just always hope.

Being a Canucks fan is kind of like being a kid waiting for your Dad to come home after he went out for cigarettes; “Mom says Daddy’s never coming back and we should move on, but I think this year will be different. This year’s going to be better. You’ll see! He’ll come back this year, I swear! Look! Is that him?! Is it?!? Oh… never mind. It’s just a cat.”

The nice thing though is that we did get to watch the game from the Cariboo Brewing suite, otherwise known as, The Cariboo Lounge. It’s as fancy as they say it is in all the papers and the people in the suite right next to us were the L.A. Kings brass! Yes, the L.A. Kings management was right next door, so at least we got to see someone happy for the night and that made it all worth while (Editor’s Note: They can’t hear your sarcasm while you type, ya mook). But seriously, the Cariboo Lounge has a great view of the arena, comes fully stocked with Boo Brews and they even throw in some delicious foody-foods. In fact, I heard a rumor that with the Canucks out of the playoffs now, the lounge may be open for certain contest winners (Editor’s Note: Hold on a sec… what now?).

But, despite the Canucks losing (Editor’s Note: Again!), there is a silver lining. In this case, with the Canucks out of the playoffs it means our Saturday nights can now be filled with some hilarious shows of mirth and laughter compliments of the good people at Cariboo Brewing. What kind of shows, you say? Well, how about the All-Pro Cariboo Comedy Show we’re having at The Sin Bin Sports Bar & Grill Saturday, May 12th. Price is only $5 and we’ll have some awesome swag to give away to lucky audience members compliments of the fine folks at Cariboo Brewing and the new Sacha Baron Cohen film, The Dictator.

So, turn that frown upside down, crack a Boo and get rid of that stinkin’ thinkin’ by drinkin’ and blinkin’ (Editor’s Note: You know, sometimes you just can’t force something. I mean, really? “Drinkin’ and blinkin’”?). Laughter is just around the corner! No, seriously. For reals this time. I mean it! No, never mind. It’s just a cat.

Here’s some lovely pics of some good times that were had by all at the mother’ f#%$ing son-of-a-f&%$@ing no-good-for-nothing piece of $#@& Canucks Game #5. I’m over it. No, really. I’m fine… damn, it!!
Please feel free to judge and comment

Thanks,
Your Pal,

Patty The Fatty
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